The distance
A few days ago I left work with a half-full cup of hot chocolate. Managed to walk a few metres incident-free, then tried drinking and walking at the same time... and of course managed to get a mouthful of hot choc all over my coat! It was dark outside, there was pretty much no-one around. I laughed at myself and just for a 'caught up in a funny memory' moment, had a huge smile on my face imagining what one of my best friends would say about my choc-covered coat. I could hear his voice so clearly, could see the half mocking smile as he'd hand me a tissue to clean my coat. Just for a sec, I was totally convinced we were meeting up after work, just as we used to do.
The thing is, he lives on the other side of the world. I haven't seen him in person in over a year. We still talk online, however it's not the same as laughing and joking in person. And yet, as I spilled that mouthful of hot chocolate on my coat I was completely convinced I'd be showing him my coat and sharing the story - that we'd have a laugh about it along with the drinks we'd share. Funny how our brains trick us sometimes. And so much less funny when reality hit and I realised I was on my way home, not on my way to hang out with my friend at the pub. It's times like these when I realise that no matter how many new friends I've made here and how much I enjoy spending time with them, I just don't have the same history with people here as I do with my friends in NZ. It takes time to build a friendship, I know that. But still...
I miss my New Zealand friends. I miss knowing what someone's thinking by the look on their face; being able to communicate with a single glance. I miss bursting into laughter based on a single word one of my friend has said. I miss knowing people so well that we don't need words to communicate; we just finish each-others' sentences, even the unspoken ones. I miss those friendships, the ones that are tight and feel like they could easily last a lifetime. The thing is, those friendships still exist. Those friends still exist. The only difference is that we now finish each-others' sentences by writing to each other or with a webcam in between. With a whole world in between us. It's my friends I miss - seeing them whenever I want, laughing and smiling together, actually hanging out in person. And that's something no webcam-based conversation or exchange of pages-long emails can change.
The thing is, he lives on the other side of the world. I haven't seen him in person in over a year. We still talk online, however it's not the same as laughing and joking in person. And yet, as I spilled that mouthful of hot chocolate on my coat I was completely convinced I'd be showing him my coat and sharing the story - that we'd have a laugh about it along with the drinks we'd share. Funny how our brains trick us sometimes. And so much less funny when reality hit and I realised I was on my way home, not on my way to hang out with my friend at the pub. It's times like these when I realise that no matter how many new friends I've made here and how much I enjoy spending time with them, I just don't have the same history with people here as I do with my friends in NZ. It takes time to build a friendship, I know that. But still...
I miss my New Zealand friends. I miss knowing what someone's thinking by the look on their face; being able to communicate with a single glance. I miss bursting into laughter based on a single word one of my friend has said. I miss knowing people so well that we don't need words to communicate; we just finish each-others' sentences, even the unspoken ones. I miss those friendships, the ones that are tight and feel like they could easily last a lifetime. The thing is, those friendships still exist. Those friends still exist. The only difference is that we now finish each-others' sentences by writing to each other or with a webcam in between. With a whole world in between us. It's my friends I miss - seeing them whenever I want, laughing and smiling together, actually hanging out in person. And that's something no webcam-based conversation or exchange of pages-long emails can change.
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